


The End

by orphan_account



Series: Of Memes and Men [4]
Category: Panic! at the Disco, Pepe the Frog - Fandom
Genre: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), (⌣_⌣”), Cannibal!Paula Deen's back, Cannibalism, Guess Who's Back, M/M, Multi, Other, back again, tell a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4547049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's really late at night and i'm really sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End

Pepe smiled as the wind hit his skin [poop do frogs even have skin what the heck]. He turned the steering wheel of Dallon Weekes’ car, pulling into an abandoned playground. He turned to Brendon Urie and Dallon, who were sitting in the backseat of the car.

“Well, Brendon,” Pepe said, “it seems like Dallon and I have quite a bit of explaining to do. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).”

Brendon blinked. “How the *potato* do you say ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?”

Pepe smiled. “Like this. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).”

“What the *potato*?”

Pepe shook his head and opened his car door, stepping out. He opened the door to the backseat, and Dallon and Brendon climbed out.

Brendon glared at Pepe. “Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused me?”

Pepe sighed. “I’m sorry, friend. I meant to be more subtle, but subtly is difficult when one is as rare as I am. ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°). I am sorry, my friend.”

“How the *potato* did you say ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)? No, wait, no. That’s a question for later.”

Brendon turned to Dallon. “You guys both have some *potato* explaining to do, alright?”

Dallon nodded. “Sit down,” he said. 

Brendon nodded and sat on the hood of Dallon’s car. 

Dallon looked at Pepe. “You want to tell him?”

Pepe nodded. “Well, friend, it started around seven years ago. Ryan and you were fighting, and you were unhappy. ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°). Dallon came to me one day and said, ‘Pepe, I need your help.’ He told me how unhappy you were, and he said he wanted to make you happy again. He decided to go undercover as a beautiful woman named Sarah Orzechowski. In order for him to do that, someone needed to pretend to be Dallon. We decided I would do that.”

“Couldn’t you have pretended to be Sarah and Dallon just stayed Dallon?”

“( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°). Of course not, Brendon. The plan had to be perfectly executed. Now, if you’re done interrupting me, I shall continue. Dallon disguised himself to look like Sarah. He wooed you, and you ended up marrying him. I took over for him in The Brobecks. Then, in 2010, Dallon came to be again. ‘Pepe,’ he said, ‘Brendon is happy, but not happy enough. He needs a friend to go along with his wife.’ I- still pretending to be Dallon- joined Panic! At The Disco. We instantly hit it off as friends, but after a while, I started wanting more. Friendship wasn’t enough. I have to admit, my friend, I was jealous of Dallon- well, Sarah. So, one day, in the back of our tour bus, we kind of went a little far. You remember, right? You gave me a blowjob, and then, I told you who I really was. You freaked out, but then, we had sex. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.”

“What's ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ supposed to mean? What the *potato*? No, wait. We had sex? Was I… was I any good?”

“Oh, you don’t remember that part, do you? Poor Brendon. (⌣_⌣”). It was quite good, I think. Anyway, we had sex- very nice sex ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)- and then, you left to go to lunch with Dallon, who was still pretending to be Sarah.”

Dallon cut in. “We ate lunch at this really great place, and afterwards, we were walking back. On the way, some crazy people jumped you. Two of them held me back while the other cut off your ballsacks. Well, actually, she ate them. I- well, I should tell you the whole truth. It was Paula Deen, Bren.”

Brendon groaned. “So Paula Deen ate my ballsacks?”

Dallon smiled sympathetically at Brendon. “Yeah. She ate them, looked at me, and shouted, ‘Just like caviar!’ Then, she ran away with the other two people. They had masks over their faces, so I couldn’t tell who they were. I called 911, and they took you to the hospital. They said they couldn’t help you unless they got a ballsack donor. I showed them mine, but they were too big. Ha. Anyway, I called Pepe and told him what had happened. Pepe came right away and gave the doctors his ballsacks, and they stuck them where yours used to be. When you woke up, you had no recollection of what had happened after you left the bus. I didn’t know what had happened on the bus, but I later learned that you had no recollection of anything that had happened after giving Pepe a blowjob. You freaked out and masturbated so hard that the ballsacks fell off. We kind of gave up hope on them. The doctors said I should take you home, because no one else was going to donate ballsacks. We went home, but you kept freaking out whenever you saw frogs. I had no idea why. I hated seeing you like that, though. I thought it was just PTSD from when Paula had eaten your ballsacks off. I tried taking you to therapy, but that didn’t work, so I admitted you to a mental institution. Brendon, that was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m so terribly sorry for doing that.”

Brendon shrugged. “It’s okay,” he said.

Pepe smiled. This was why he loved Brendon so much. He was so carefree. 

Dallon continued. “Anyway, I walked by there every day. I heard you screaming things. Then, you wrote letters for a while. They always talked about Pepe. Of course, I called him right away.”

Pepe nodded. “He called me, and he said, ‘Pepe, what did you do to Brendon?’ I said, ‘Well, I cannot tell a lie, Dallon.’ I told him how you’d given me a blowjob, and when I cummed, I’d told you the truth: that I was Pepe the frog instead of Dallon Weekes. It seemed like too much for you to handle. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. I decided to tell you that Dallon wasn’t real, so you’d still think Sarah was real. I didn’t want things to be too overwhelming for you. We’d then had sex, after you’d calmed down, and after that, you’d gone to lunch with Sarah.” 

Pepe paused and frowned. He was getting to his least favorite part. “I had no idea how much I’d hurt you. I should’ve told you the entire truth back on the bus. I apologize for that, my friend. I wasn’t thinking. Dallon told me that you had hallucinations of me. I hadn’t even known about you being in the institution, so I told him they were probably hallucinations. They were. Dallon said we had to get you out, so that’s what we did.”

Brendon looked up at Pepe with his wide [insert color of brendon’s eyes here bc i don’t remember what color they are] [hang on I feel like they’re brown idk] [whatever] eyes. “If the circumstances were different, I’d be mad as *potato* about that. But honestly, I’m anything but mad about this. Pepe, Dallon- that was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Pepe, you gave up your frog ballsacks for me. And Dallon pretended to be a woman for, like, seven whole years. Thank you guys so much.”

Dallon nodded. “So,” he said, “since I’m not really Sarah, are we still a thing, or…?”

Brendon laughed. “Of course we are. We’ll always be a thing. And Pepe, if you ever want in on the thing, feel free. I’ll always have to bottom, of course, since I don’t have ballsacks anymore, but we can still have a thing.”

Pepe smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, of course, Pepe. I really did like what we did in the back of that bus- what I remember doing, at least.”

Pepe nodded. “Well,” he said, “I’m going to go back to my home. But if I do ever feel like I want in, maybe I’ll give you and Dallon a visit.”

“But how will you find us?”

Pepe smiled. “I’ll always be able to find you,” he said. With that, he left. 

Pepe lived happily ever after, and sometimes, every now and then, he’d pay a little visit to his friends.

Eventually, he stopped visiting, but Pepe never forgot about them. And to this day, he never has.


End file.
